If you have ever searched for ways to improve erectile dysfunction, control, or overall sexual performance, you have probably come across the same advice:
“Start doing Kegels.”
It sounds simple. Tighten a muscle. Repeat daily. Improve performance.
But here is the reality we see time and time again.
Most men are either doing them incorrectly or doing them when they shouldn’t be.
And in some cases, they are making their symptoms worse without realising it.
WHAT ARE KEGELS ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO DO?
Kegels are designed to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles.
These are the same muscles involved in:
- Supporting erections
- Controlling ejaculation
- Managing bladder function
When these muscles are weak, targeted strengthening can be helpful.
That is where the advice originally came from.
But the keyword here is weak.
Because not every pelvic floor problem is caused by weakness.
THE BIGGEST MISUNDERSTANDING ABOUT KEGELS
Most men assume:
“If something is not working, it must be weak.”
So they respond by trying to strengthen it.
But in many of the men we assess, the issue is not weakness.
It is tension.
The pelvic floor is already overactive. It is already working too hard. It is not relaxing properly.
Adding more contraction on top of that does not fix the problem.
It reinforces it.
SIGNS YOU MAY BE DOING KEGELS WHEN YOU SHOULD NOT BE
This is where it becomes important to recognise what your body is telling you.
If you are experiencing any of the following, there is a strong chance that more Kegels are not the answer:
- Erections that feel tight rather than strong
- Difficulty maintaining erections despite stimulation
- Premature ejaculation or lack of control
- A constant sense of tension in the pelvic area
- Hard flaccid symptoms
- Discomfort in the perineum, hips, or lower abdomen
In these situations, the focus needs to shift from strengthening to relaxation.
HOW MOST MEN DO KEGELS INCORRECTLY
Even when Kegels are appropriate, they are often done in a way that limits progress.
Here are the most common mistakes.
1. Contracting the Wrong Muscles
Many men think they are targeting their pelvic floor, but they are actually tightening:
- Their glutes
- Their inner thighs
- Their abdominals
This creates more global tension rather than precise control.
2. Holding Their Breath
Breathing and pelvic floor function are closely linked.
When you hold your breath, your body naturally increases tension.
This reduces your ability to properly control the muscle you are trying to train.
3. Overtraining
More is not better.
Doing hundreds of repetitions per day often leads to fatigue and increased tightness.
This is one of the most common reasons symptoms persist.
4. Ignoring the Relaxation Phase
This is the biggest one.
A proper pelvic floor contraction should always be followed by a full release.
But most men:
- Contract
- Partially release
- Then contract again
Over time, the muscle never truly switches off.
WHY THIS MATTERS FOR SEXUAL PERFORMANCE
Your pelvic floor needs to be responsive, not just strong.
During sexual activity, it should:
- Engage when needed
- Relax when needed
- Coordinate with breathing and movement
If it is stuck in a constant state of contraction, performance becomes unpredictable.
You may find that:
- Erections come and go
- Control feels inconsistent
- You are thinking about it more than you should
This is not a strength issue.
It is a coordination issue.
WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING INSTEAD
Before jumping into more exercises, the first step is understanding what your body actually needs.
Step 1: Check for Tension First
Ask yourself:
Do I feel tight, restricted, or constantly “switched on” in my pelvic area?
If the answer is yes, strengthening is not the starting point.
Step 2: Learn to Relax the Pelvic Floor
This is often unfamiliar.
Most men have never been taught how to release these muscles.
This can include:
- Controlled breathing
- Gentle movement
- Awareness work
- Reducing unnecessary tension throughout the day
This is where real change often begins.
Step 3: Build Control, Not Just Strength
Once the pelvic floor can fully relax, then strengthening becomes useful.
At this stage, Kegels are:
- Slower
- More controlled
- Balanced with full relaxation
This is what improves function, not just force.
A SIMPLE WAY TO THINK ABOUT IT
Instead of asking:
“How do I make this stronger?”
A better question is:
“Can I control this muscle properly?”
Control includes:
- Contracting when needed
- Relaxing when needed
- Not holding tension when you do not need to
That is what translates into better performance.
WHAT WE SEE IN PRACTICE
Many of the men we work with come in after trying Kegels on their own.
Some have been doing them for months.
Some have been doing them for years.
Very few have been doing them in a way that actually improves their symptoms.
Once we assess how their pelvic floor is functioning, the plan becomes much clearer.
In many cases, progress comes from doing less, not more.
But doing it correctly.
WHY GENERIC ADVICE DOES NOT WORK
The problem with most online advice is that it assumes everyone has the same issue.
They do not.
Some men need strengthening.
Some men need relaxation.
Some need a combination of both, alongside work on posture, breathing, and movement.
Without understanding which category you fall into, you are guessing.
And guessing often leads to frustration.
REASSURANCE: YOU ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG
If you have been trying to fix this on your own without success, it is easy to feel like you are missing something.
You are not.
You have likely just been given incomplete advice.
This is a more nuanced area than most people realise.
And once you understand how your body is actually functioning, things start to make a lot more sense.
FINAL THOUGHT
If you are unsure whether Kegels are helping or making things worse, the most useful next step is to clarify what your pelvic floor is actually doing.
A confidential assessment allows us to:
- Identify whether tension or weakness is the primary issue
- Assess how your pelvic floor is functioning as part of your whole body
- Give you a clear, structured plan based on your specific situation
No generic advice. No guesswork. Just a clear understanding of what will actually move things forward.
NEXT STEP
If you would like to understand your situation properly and start addressing the root cause, you can begin with a confidential consultation.
